I Need Something, Not Sure What

I'm not sure what I need. I just got off the phone with Chris and had my daily meltdown and figured I probably shouldn't be calling him upset everyday at work because there really isn't anything he can do for me. So I decided to turn to this blogging thing. I've been keeping a journal/log of Chrissy's daily challenges and triumphs and started to realize that hard copy journals really are a thing of the past and since I'm writing in it multiple times a day, I'm bound to run out of paper. The last thing I need around here is a shelf of filled up journals, plus I have my laptop that I took over from Chris, and am on it as much as I can be, so this sounds like the perfect fit for me.

I'm having a bad afternoon. Yesterday was a great day. Chrissy made HUGE progress in therapy and when that happens I am high on life for the rest of the day. Well today was A LOT different and when it seems like we take a step forward and then 10 back in a day, it frustrates and saddens me beyond belief. I know that there will be good and bad days, but I want more good days than bad.

We had open gym this morning and he did okay. Bella wasn't enjoying herself because she didn't have anyone to play with, so I felt bad giving Chris most of my attention when I saw her laying down on the floor on top of our jackets. It was packed in there and I was tired of apologizing to parents of kids who Chrissy just ran and bumped into like he didn't even see them there. We left after 30 minutes into it back to the safe haven of home.

After Bella left for school I decided I was going to withhold his nap hoping that it would "fix" his bedtime issues, plus I thought it was be good to get to do 1:1 time in quiet. I had him do some sensory seeking stuff like running and crashing into the bean bags in hopes that it would get the sillies out of him. He was focused for a little while, enough to do shapes, but then it got out of control. I tried compression and that didn't seem to work. He was going overboard with his visual stim and then starting to spin, which he never does. I tried to get him to me but it wasn't working. I was disappointed that we couldn't get anything constructive done but now reflecting on it, I should have strapped him in his seat and did some play doh or finger painting. That's what this all is right now...trial and error. I finally gave in and knew the only thing that could really calm him is his blanket so I got that and he chilled. Then I called Chris and lost it...he came home early to my rescue. I love him for that...